+ 1.24: Ponderment

Announcement

Jared woke with a severe hangover, feeling as though a thousand steam rollers had just driven over him. Unconsciously, he felt the other side of the bed hoping to feel her there; or to at least hear her banging away in the kitchen preparing breakfast. But she wasn’t there. She hadn’t been there for the last two years. He groaned and buried himself under the covers again.

Azaria had put up with his crap for over a year before giving him the boot. Ever since their first major fight everything started going downhill for them. He came home drunk most nights and some nights he didn’t come home at all. He criticised her for clinging on to the hope that Troye would one day return to her; he criticised her book; he questioned her feelings for him and he had even gone so far as to call her Davrin’s groupie. That had really hurt her. And since that day she had grown icily cold toward him.

It was only when he came home and accused her of ruining his life and his dreams that she put her foot down.  
“I don’t think this is working out.” Her words were still freshly engraved into his memory. “You’re not the man I thought you were. I don’t even know where all that craziness comes from! I’ve tried to get you help. I’ve stuck around for as long as I could but I can’t expose our children to this kind of upbringing. It’s better if we remain friends. We’ll still remain on good terms: for the sake of the twins... you can have them on weekends when you’ve cleaned up and gotten your life in order...” She handed him a number for a rehabilitation clinic before leaving.
“I’m sorry” were her last words before she turned her back on him and left.

At first he was angry: royally pissed off that she could just walk away from him after all the promises they made. Then he entered a state of depression and drank his money away. He could barely afford to pay the bills anymore. He lost his job, his family and most of his friends. His house was about to be repossessed until his brother stepped in and settled his debts. That was when he decided to clean up his act: or rather, tried to.

For the last six months he had been sober, willing himself strongly to stay away from alcohol. If he cleaned up maybe she would come back. But then he relapsed; doing this on his own wasn’t easy especially when the booze flowed freely at the many parties he was forced to attend. One drink was all he told himself but one drink led to a second and a second led to ten.

He wasn’t even sure how he had gotten home this morning. He rolled over sure that any moment now he would fall back to sleep when the phone rang. He answered without checking the caller ID.

“What?”
“Is that how you answer your phone?” It was Azaria. The awkward silence was broken with “Are you drunk?”He slammed his palm to his forehead, irritated. She always assumed the worst these days.

“I’m hung-over. Not drunk.” He replied idiotically, courtsey of the alcohol that was still in his system.
“Jared you promised.” He heard her voice drop with disappointment. There was another long silence before she spoke again. “I guess I won’t be bringing the twins round then.” She muttered a goodbye and cut the call before he could defend himself.

‘Shit.’

He sat back down wanting to just sleep away everything as though it were some terrible dream. He saw the card for the rehab centre on the night stand, picked it up, and dialled the number. He didn’t want to be a screw up anymore.

 __________

Mila Hawthorne was in town again. Azaria had agreed to an early dinner at the bistro just to kill time until she had to go fetch the girls from day care. She was supposed to drop them off with Jared for the weekend but that wasn’t happening any more.

“I was so sure he had cleaned up his act. Now he’s drunk again.”

“Didn’t I tell you he was wrong for you?” Mila poked as she listened to her daughter’s report on Jared.

“Mother, please. Don’t start this again. We were getting along fine.” Azaria stared down at her barely-touched food of plate. 

Her mind drifted as it always seemed to do lately. Most times she made comparisons between Davrin and Jared. And most times Davrin seemed to win. He was passionate, intelligent, wild, mysterious and dangerous; he knew her so well, understood her fears and desires. He was everything she was attracted to.

He even had musical talent that sent chills down her spine; pumped with emotion and conflict, his music revealed a more human side to him. Sometimes she wondered if he had chosen to be so rotten and evil or if he was simply a victim of circumstance. Other times she wondered if he would reform in whatever prison he was being held in. But centuries of moral decay couldn’t be erased in a few years and she had given up hope in that ever happening.

As she shunted her food around she wondered if he missed Troye as much as she did or whether he didn’t have to because maybe he knew where their son was. He was such a dedicated father.

Although his moods were unstable, hers were too as much as she refused to admit, he doted on Troye; he had even showed genuine interest in her well-being when she was pregnant – something that had been eclipsed by her loathing toward him. Jared couldn’t have been bothered because kids weren’t part of his plan at the time. He was only there to do what he needed to do, putting on a show of support, and that’s why she preferred to do everything herself.

She made a mental note to write a similar scene for the female lead in her book. But unlike Vitoria she wasn’t ready to forgive the cunning vampire for having held her captive.

“If he had done things the right way...” She bit her lip contemplatively; hardly realising she had just said those words.

 “If only... then you two would be married by now.” Mila’s voice had drawn her out from her deep thought.

“Married?” Azaria choked. She still had Davrin on her mind and strangely she couldn’t help wonder what a lifetime with him would be like. ‘Stop it!’ She scolded herself for being stupid once again. She couldn’t make a turn without thinking of that...sexy vampire with his kissable lips, strong arms, eyes that saw right through her, his uncanny ability to know what she was thinking...

“Yes, married. But like I told you... getting married for the wrong reason, which is for the sake of the twins, would only rip apart your friendship.”

“What do you care about our friendship?” She snapped angrier at herself for thinking of Davrin than at her mother’s undying disapproval toward Jared.

“I’m just saying that he wasn’t your type. Maybe back then when you didn’t know what love is but not now.”

“Right... Anyway, I’m off to fetch the twins.” She stood up and handed her mother enough notes to cover the bill; one of her many hints that she was doing fine without their financial help. The first book had already been published with copies selling at a fair enough pace while the second book was ready and waiting at the printers.

“I just want you to be happy.” Her mother called out. She stopped and turned around again.

“I may not always know what makes you happy but I do know when you are and I haven’t seen your face light up with happiness in a long time.” Mila gave her daughter a sympathetic smile. “Don’t call a baby sitter tonight. I’ll watch the twins. Maybe I’ll be a conventional grandmother and take them out for ice-cream.”

The two women exchanged smiles before Azaria left. It felt strange but comforting to be on such good terms with her mother again; to actually see the compassionate side she believed didn’t exist until now. In spite of Mila’s harsh judgement of everything she really did look out for her daughter.